Definitely see this movie – Straw Dogs (1971)

“Heaven and earth are ruthless and treat the myriad creatures as straw dogs”   I have ABSOLUTELY no fucking clue what this Chinese proverb means, but for some reason, the term “straw dogs” stuck with producer Daniel Melnick and legendary director Sam Peckinpah. Thus, they named their film “Straw Dogs” instead of “The Siege of Trencher’s Farm”, the name of the book that they adapted. And if you think about it, it’s a really wise decision since the original name is sorta sucky for a film of this magnitude.

Magnitude, I say? Yes, MAGNITUDE! For those unfamiliar with what “Straw Dogs” represents, you would have to go back in time. In 1969, Sam Peckinpah released his western/Vietnam War social commentary “The Wild Bunch” – arguably one of the best movies EVER MADE! However, most people didn’t think so when it first came out. It garnered controversy over its graphic violent content, which at that time, was never seen in a movie before. Two years later, he released “Straw Dogs” and boy, did that film PISS people off. The film itself represented an era in Hollywood where films began to literally “push the envelope” in terms of violence and sex. Two main examples were the dystopic sci-fi satire “A Clockwork Orange” (my second favourite film of all time) and “Dirty Harry” (that starred Clint Eastwood as a bad-ass cop with refuses to play by the rules).

Today, these classic films are praised more for their social commentary and less on their shock value. But it’s this shock value that leaves a permanent “CONTROVERSIAL” label on these films. And “Straw Dogs” is no different. Why did I decide to review this film, you ask? Well….

(a) Hollywood, for some strange fucking reason, decided to remake one of film history’s most controversial movies for a new generation. And I’m still wondering why. I haven’t seen this remake yet, but hopefully if I do, I’ll review it.

(b) I had hoped to view both the original and remake of “Straw Dogs” in a ridiculous attempt to ‘compare’ the two. But I think we all know which is the better film.

But what makes this film about straw dogs so effective and powerful? Well, for one thing, it isn’t about straw, dogs or Chinese philosophy! Confused? I’ll explain.

PLOT

An American mathematician named David Sumner (played by a young Dustin Hoffman) and his wife Amy (played by the attractive Susan George) live in a small English village called Cornwall. Like some guys, David is a timid man who hates violence and tries to stay away from trouble. Like most husbands, David focuses more on his work than on his wife. But this all changes when a group of male townsfolk are assigned to help repair David and Amy’s farmhouse. The guys taunt and tease David, and ogle at Amy. They even go as far as to (spoiler alert) RAPE Amy!  Just when things couldn’t get any worse, the couple become trapped in their own home as a bigger group of male townsfolk, through a series of events, decide to attack them. The result is a final confrontation where David must now face the violence he has sworn to avoid, by becoming violent himself.

CHARACTERS

David Sumner – Dustin Hoffman

Amy Sumner – Susan George

Tom Hedden – Peter Vaughan

Norman Scutt – Ken Hutchinson

Henry Niles – David Warner

MY THOUGHTS: Seeing this film again after all these years made me understand what made it truly effective and powerful, and how it could be easily misunderstood. First and foremost, this film DOES NOT celebrate violence – physical or sexual. But it is VERY DIFFICULT to keep this in mind during the film’s disturbing scenes, especially the notorious rape scene. What made the scene notorious wasn’t the rape itself, but the implication that (GASP!) Amy ENJOYED IT! That scene pissed the hell out of viewers, and as a result, the film was banned in England. HOW IRONIC! But it is the complexities of the characters that makes “Straw Dogs” really work.  These characters are human beings, and susceptible to both good and bad.  This does not mean that we should accept the decisions that they made. There is no true hero or villain in the film. You’re not supposed to feel sympathy for the rapists when they are BRUTALLY killed in the film’s climax, but then again, you’re not supposed to really root for David when he BRUTALLY kills them. I had to put the word “brutally” in capital letters, because the deaths in this film are so shockingly violent (for a 1970s film) that even Macaulay Culkin, ex-child star of the home defense comedy “Home Alone”, would piss his pants! For a Peckinpah film, “Straw Dogs” is well-shot, well-paced, WELL-EDITED and well-acted. But of course, the best performance in the film belongs to Dustin Hoffman. His slow transformation from timid mathematician to bad-ass home defender is both amazing and powerful. And this is the point of the film. Everyone has a breaking point. And anyone, if pushed that far over the edge, can react violently. Yes, YOU TOO!

40 years later, “Straw Dogs” is still a disturbing, intelligent and powerful film. It isn’t meant to be loved. It was meant to be shocking.  It was meant to make you think about it DAYS after you’ve seen it. And it will be the subject of debate for decades to come. If “The Wild Bunch” is Peckinpah’s best film, then “Straw Dogs” arguably deserves second place.

SHOULD I SEE THIS FILM? Obviously, this is not a film for everyone. But if you want to see a film that entertains (and I use this term loosely), shocks and makes you think, then I highly suggest that you see “Straw Dogs”.  If you LOVE 1970s cinema like I do, then you should see this film. If you think thrillers these days are too reliant on gore and jump scares to truly scare an audience, then you should DEFINITELY see this film. And just so you know, the remake, which maintained the film’s sexual and violent content, was accused for celebrating the very same things it was supposed to demean. Talk about not getting the point!

MY RATING – 4 1/2 out of 5 stars (“Definitely see this movie”)

– Matthew

See this movie – Beats, Rhymes and Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest (2011)

After doing my first music review based on my friend Mizzter J’s rap mixtape “BreadCrumbz”, I was compelled to do a review about this film. I mean, it’s about A Tribe Called Quest, my favourite rap group of all time! Why would I not do a review about a documentary directed by Michael Rapaport (Gary from “Friends”) about my favourite rap group of all time?! But seriously, I could spend the rest of this review talking about how awesome they are, but I won’t. Instead, I will tell you about this movie. But first, let me give you this history lesson about A Tribe Called Quest (cue National Geographic theme song here).

In 1988, during the pre-Afrocentric era of hip hop culture, a rap group from New York burst onto the rap scene. They were….yes, that’s correct….A Tribe Called Quest which consisted of four members: Q-Tip (Kamaal Fareed), Phife Dawg (Malik Taylor), Ali Shaheed Muhammad and Jarobi White.  In 1990, they released their first album, “People’s Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm”.  It was a minor success, due to the simple lyrics, sleepy beats and experimental production. However, it did spawn one of their greatest hits – “Bonita Applebum”, a laid-back song where Q-Tip expresses his love to a girl with a big ass. I know it sounds sleazy, ladies, but it’s REALLY a nice song. I’m just saying.

One year later, ATCQ decided to let go of the experimental bullshit and kick some serious ass! The result was “The Low End Theory”. With its hard-hitting jazzy beats and sharp, intelligent lyricism from both Q-Tip and Phife Dawg (who proved here that he had skills on the fucking mic), this album was a huge success. It spawned the hits “Check the Rhime” , “Jazz (We’ve Got)” and “Scenario”. It should be noted that “Scenario” is one of the greatest posse cuts EVER and a stepping stone for the manic lyricism of Busta Rhymes whose last verse is still fucking awesome up to this day!

But it was their third album “Midnight Marauders” that made me a die-hard ATCQ fan. Ironically enough, this was the first album I ever heard from the group and it still remains my all-time favourite. Released in 1993, this was A Tribe Called Quest at their prime. The production, the beats, the lyricism…..EVERYTHING was on point in this album! More commercial than the first two albums, “Midnight Marauders” spawned the classic songs “Award Tour”, ‘Oh My God” and “Electric Relaxation” (a.k.a. the Season 1 theme song of “The Wayans Brothers” – you know, the song they were playing when the old woman got knocked by a bus – and lives, God forbid – with Marlon and Shawn Wayans in the back? Yeah, THAT SHIT!)

But things turned dark for the Tribesters after the monumental success of “Midnight Marauders”. Jarobi and Ali had left the group already, and there was resentment between Q-Tip and Phife Dawg. This tension was reflected in their fourth, and darkest (in terms of mood and beats), album “Beats, Rhymes and Life”. HEY, THAT’S THE NAME OF THE MOVIE! As one of the many ATCQ fans worldwide, I must admit that this is my least favourite album in their discography, but it is still a good album nevertheless. Times were changing as a result of the East Coast-West Coast rap feud, and their album reflected that dark period in hip hop. In 1998, they released their fifth album “The Love Movement”, a much-more fun-spirited album than its predecessor.  It only spawned one hit: the still-catchy “Find a Way”.  This would be ATCQ’s last album, and after its release, the group was disbanded, much to the shock and sadness of the hip hop community.

Which leads us to this film. “Beats, Rhymes and Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest” gives us a candid look into the history of this influential rap group. Through interviews, rare footage and snippets of classic ATCQ music videos, we see the birth, maturity, death and (spoiler alert) REBIRTH of the group. But was it really a good movie, or am I just saying it is because I’m a die-hard ATCQ fan? Let’s see, shall we?

PLOT

Read history lesson (with National Geographic theme song) above.

CHARACTERS

Read the first part of the history lesson (with National Geographic theme song) above.

MY THOUGHTS: The use of the “Midnight Marauders” track “8 Million Stories” ( a song about Phife Dawg’s problems and stress) that opens the film sets the direction that it would eventually go. This film is not only about the creation of a legendary rap group, but the situations that led to its disbandment, preferably the troubled friendship between Q-Tip and Phife Dawg. The bickering between the two is the film’s high point, where one is accused of being self-centered while the other is accused of being ungrateful. The group did indeed reunite , but it’s the event that led to the group coming back together which adds an emotional level to the film. Generally, “Beats, Rhymes and Life” is highly entertaining and well-directed. But it’s the soundtrack that truly makes film work.  Throughout the film, we hear ATCQ’s greatest hits from “Bonita Applebum” to “Find a Way”. We also get to see Q-Tip’s skills as a music producer as he takes samples from vinyl records to make really dope beats. He also shows how he made the “Midnight Marauders” track “Lyrics to Go” which is possibly one of the greatest ATCQ songs ever fucking made! Period! Yes, it’s that great a song, that great a sequence and ultimately, that great a movie!

SHOULD I SEE THIS FILM?  If you’re a fan of A Tribe Called Quest, then you NEED TO SEE THIS FILM! If you want to see a great  documentary about rap music, SEE THIS FILM! If you don’t give a fuck about A Tribe Called Quest, and your rap icons are Soulja Boy, Waka Flocka Flame and Bangs (that Afro-Australian motherfucker who recorded the YouTube sensation”Take U To Da Movies”), you should be SHOT! And instead of flowers, someone should place all 5 ATCQ albums in front of your tombstone! Speaking of which, if you’re a ATCQ fan, you should have all 5 albums that I mentioned in the “history lesson”. If not, you should really stop sticking! “Beats, Rhymes and Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest” delivered what I expected from a documentary about the greatest rap group of all time, and more! In a year of movies about giant robots, drunk pirates and fast cars, this film really stood out to me. And it’s a documentary, of all things. Imagine that. Hmmmm.

Now go watch the “Bonita Applebum” video already! It’s still a great song and video, goddammit!

MY RATING – 4 out of 5 stars (“See this movie”)

– Matthew

Hey look, a music review! – Mizzter J – BreadCrumbz

So for those who still don’t have a clue why this blog exists, it’s for yours truly to write reviews. But not just any reviews. I’m actually reviewing stuff that interests me (movies, music and whatever else comes to mind). Hell, if I wanted to, I’d do a review about the Project Runway season that just ended, and where Trinidad’s own Anya Ayoung-Chee became the winner! But I’d do that if I gave a crap about the entire series, and if I had time….and I don’t have either. This is the reason why my last review was written about three weeks ago. Lots of shit to do, lots of stuff to see and so little time. Sigh…..

Which brings me to my very first music review. Or should I say mixtape review. For those who’ve been living under a rock for the past decade, and for those who absolutely don’t know jack shit about rap music, a mixtape is a compilation of songs made either by a DJ or a DJ/rapper duo or a rapper or a rap group. They’re not expensive to acquire like ORIGINAL CDs and could be found online for free download. Sometimes,  a rapper who has a little too much time on his hands (Lil Wayne, Fabolous, among others) releases a mixtape. But more than likely, a mixtape is made by a DJ who wants to show off his skill or an up-and-coming rapper who just wants the world to hear his voice.

Which brings me to Jonathan Alleyne a.k.a. Mizzter J. Born in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Jonathan and his family moved to San Fernando, Trinidad, whe he was only 5 years old. At age 8, he started rapping. He pursued information technology at COSTAATT (College of Science, Technology and Applied Arts of Trinidad and Tobago) where, at the same time, he met ….that’s right…. yours truly! Ever since then, we’ve been great friends. We both left COSTAATT with Associate Degrees. But while I pursued film in the University of the West Indies in Trinidad, Jonathan flew back to the U.S. in 2008 to help support his brother, who was pursuing aerospace engineering. At age 21, he joined the U.S. Army. At age 24, his current age, he started his master’s degree in Information Security.

But what does all this have to do with rap music, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you! While in basic army training, Jonathan took part in rap battles. Last year, he made the decision to seriously pursue a career in rap. He started with a mixtape called the “Tabanca Mixtape” and followed that with “Fantasy Island”. “BreadCrumbz” makes it his third mixtape in his career so far, and I was fortunate enough to get a copy of it from Mizzter J himself! YAY ME!

Now keep in mind, folks… this is MY review. This is in no way bashing Mizzter J or any of his affiliates, nor is it my way of telling you NOT to listen to this mixtape. I personally asked him if I could review the mixtape, and he agreed. So please don’t think that this is an attempt to write a bunch of bullshit and call it a review. Besides, I can’t rap to save my own fucking life!

Anyhoo, on to the review…at last! I’ll try to be as concise as possible.

1. SOMEDAY (ft. David Ray & Lil Scoot)

The mixtape begins, as most albums do, where the lead rapper talks about his road to success. After a few sound bytes from the late great West Coast rapper Tupac Shakur, we are treated to an inspirational R&B chorus from David Ray . After the chorus, Mizzter J comes in strong. The guest rapper, Lil Scoot, delivers a good second verse. Overall, the track served its purpose, but a third verse from Mizzter J wouldn’t have hurt.

2. CALM DOWN

And now, Mizzter J talks about the state of affairs in Trinidad, from unguided youth to crime and vagrancy. For a social commentary track, this song WORKS! If rap ever becomes taken fucking seriously in Trinidad, this is the kind of shit that local rappers should be talking about. Well done!

3. BREADCRUMBZ

The title track of the mixtape. By the piano and hard drums on the beat, and Mizzter J’s hard lyricism, you would think that this song was about living the thug life or some generic shit like that. It sounds that serious! But it’s actually about J trying to find his way through the bullshit of life, while keeping in mind where he came from. Hence, breadcrumbs. It’s a metaphor, people! COME ON! Decent track by the way.

4. LYRIC SLAVIN’ (ft. Datboy & POP)

Just when you think this album was going to be entirely depressing, we get a CLUB SONG! Finally! Something happy and fun to listen to! The beat had my head bopping throughout, and the chorus was catchy enough. Also, Mizzter J was nice enough to have his guests rap before him. Now isn’t that considerate?

5. CROOKS

Mizzter J takes his first stab in the album at an old school beat. The beat of choice is the FUCKING AWESOME “Crooklyn” beat produced by (rapper/producer/member of the greatest rap group that ever existed a.k.a. A Tribe Called Quest) Q-Tip. Lyrically, J slices and dices the shit out of this beat!  Here, he spits arguably the best lyrics the album has to offer so far. Or maybe it’s because anyone can sound dope over that beat. Any which way you take it, this was a damn impressive track! Well done!

6. FREEDOM REIGNS

A beef song?! WTF?! J’s target is Soulja Boy, the embodiment of everything that hip hop heads like yours truly hate about hip hop. This song is based on a comment that Soulja said about the U.S. Army, and J, who was in the Army himself, kicks the shit out of him. He uses Lil Wayne’s “I am not a Human Being” beat well enough to get his point across. I love the line “You wanna be Superman….dodge some bullets”. That shit had me laughing!

7. THE VALLEY (Interlude)

I like the use of the Ennio Morricone-inspired beat from Jay-Z’s song “Blueprint 2” for this  interlude, but I found myself reminiscing of the days when I foolishly thought that the “Blueprint 2” album was actually the shit – instead of what it really is. The lyrics are aight, but they didn’t stand out to me for some reason. I guess it’s the beat. Ah well, you can’t win them all. On to the next track…

8. PLAYER WAYZ

Which begins with a nice piano solo…. and then some hard-hitting R&B drums…. and then lyrics by Mizzter J about the ups and downs of maintaining a relationship with a girl that he may, or may not, have feelings for. He makes it even more personal by singing the chorus, which is okay in terms of the song. This is the first of his songs dedicated to the opposite sex, and for what it’s worth, it works.  The beat saves it from being forgettable. Speaking of beat…

9. I WISH

Notorious B.I.G.’s “Sky’s the Limit” …. SPED UP?! WTF?! This was the first thought that came to my mind when I heard this track. The original, and FUCKING AWESOME, slow-paced beat is sped up in Mizzter J’s simple-lyric love song to a girl. He also sings the chorus for this song, and in its simplicity, it’s not bad. Whether it was just someone playing with Virtual DJ or not, the sped-up Biggie beat works well with the vibe of the song. Not bad, Johnny! Not bad at all!

10. MAKE IT YOURS

Yet another love song by Mizzter J. Here, he raps over a 80s synthesizer-like beat. The beat itself is REALLY GOOD, and J flows well over the beat. What takes the track down a couple of notches though is a bit of skipping that takes place near the end of the song.

11.  NEVER LET IT OUT OF MY MIND (ft. D. Nicol)

Enough with the love shit….now for some hardcore lyrics! Just playing. But honestly, this is another track where Mizzter J delivers some BRILLIANT lyricism.  My favourite line has to be “I fuck with your mind, I got a degree in common sense”. His guest is the white rapper D. Nicol, who delivers some great lyrics. Together, they make this track one of the best on the album. They should really do a collabo album one day. I’m just saying.

12. TWISTED LOVE

Now this is a track that Lil Wayne would sound comfortable in. And speaking of which, Mizzter J’s lyrics work good with the rap rock beat, but his rhyme pattern is somewhat familiar to Weezy’s lyrical style. Or maybe I was thinking too much about Weezy while listening to this beat. Too much Weezy is really bad for your health, I guess!

13. ROGER THAT (ft. Ladyflexx & POP)

Finally, a female rapper steps in the album. In this track, which is exactly what you expected – a version of Young Money’s smash hit “Roger That”, Ladyflexx takes the position of Nicki Minaj. Luckily, she’s no Nicki….and really, who needs another Nicki in the rap game? Her lyrics, as well as everyone else, is okay. POP sounds like he was having a helluva time while recording this track though.

14. INCREDIBLE

Admittedly, I heard Mizzter J’s freestyle over Trae’s “Incredible” before, but I never really felt it. Yeah, he took shots at the haters, but I really wasn’t feeling this track….UNTIL NOW! I never fancied the beat, but J flows so well on the beat that I actually like it now. Oh, and the track? Yeah, it’s fucking great! Another point for J!

15. I’M IN THA HOOD

Hard-hitting beats….check! Simplistic chorus….check!But the lyrics don’t match with the song’s title though. Not to say J’s bragging lyrics aren’t good, but I felt that he should have stuck with the “hood” aspect, which is what the title suggests. Not a bad effort The beat fucking KNOCKS, by the way!

16. DON’T STRAY (ft. Fre$h)

Ah yes! “The Food”.. one of my favourite beats from Kanye West. J and his guest go back to the theme of the first track about life’s struggles and seeking a better way. This was a really good way to wind down tonight’s proceedings. The third stanza gets points in my book!

17. YEAR OF THE J

The soul beat in this track reminds me of something that Outkast would rap over. The hand claps and saxophone makes you feel as if you’re in a juke joint in the 1930s – if you know about stuff like that. The song itself isn’t as depressing that I thought it would be as a final track. Actually, it was a really fun track. Great way to end the album, J.

Except….

18. (BONUS TRACK) READY, SET, GO (ft. MDP)

We get a bonus track. Darn it! Just when I was getting ready to leave. Anyhoo, this is another club track where J sings the simple, yet catchy chorus. The beat is really good, and the guests try their hardest to get the girls “down to da floe”. J spits the most in this track, and just like in “Lyric Slavin”, he waits till the third verse to spit his bars.

MY THOUGHTS: Mizzter J does a damn good job with his latest mixtape. His lyricism has improved considerably since “Fantasy Island” and his writing has developed a great deal. But what makes “BreadCrumbz” truly work is its consistency. The tracks are arranged well, and apart from the interlude (which was aight but questionable in terms of its presence in the album’s playlist), nothing seems out of place. The beats are well-selected and they work with J’s various lyrical deliveries. Also, I have to give the man credit for singing his own choruses. Mizzter still has a long way to go in the rap game, but for now, this mixtape works as a declaration that he is DEFINITELY in the building, and he does have something to say.

SHOULD I LISTEN TO THIS ALBUM?: I recommend that you give this album a listen. And not because I’m J’s friend. It’s a really decent album, regardless of what I say about it. And to the haters, some of these tracks on this mixtape are already on YouTube and iTunes right now as I type. So stop hating and start supporting up-and-coming rappers. When Weezy gets too old, stops rapping and starts wheezing, you’re going to be looking for the next big thing. The ones that you’re dissing right now could be on top very soon. You never know.  The rap game is that crazy.

Here’s my link to the “BreadCrumbz” album, just in case you were wondering where you can get it. Give it a listen, and leave a comment if you like. You can also check Mizzter J’s page on Facebook as well.

http://www.mediafire.com/?64wdf8hrc28e8fp

MY RATING: 4 out of 5 stars – Worth listening to.

– Matthew

See this movie before you die – “The Lion King” (1994)

Long, long time ago, before the beginning of time…. actually, back in 1937, Walt Disney Animated Studios released their first feature-length animated film “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”.  I could imagine families viewing it for the first time in 1937, and being swept away by the colours, the characters, the story, the music and the all-round experience of the film. Which reminds me of the first time I saw 1994’s “The Lion King”.

I was a wee little lad, no younger than 10 years old, when I first saw this film. I was in primary school at that time, and my class was taken to the cinema to see it. Schoolchildren were jumping up and down, waiting for the film to start. And when it did….and we heard the opening for “Circle of Life”, we were glued to the screen. We were attentive (and a lot more attentive than we were in class) with what took place in the film. We were swept away with the colours, the characters, the story, the music and the SHEER AWESOMENESS that was “The Lion King”. Our lives were changed forever.

During the 90s, Disney was “king” (Get it? King? Ha ha. Oh. Okay.) of summer and Christmas movies. A summer movie-going experience wasn’t complete without a Disney movie, especially an animated one. “Beauty and the Beast”….”Aladdin”…. as a kid, you couldn’t wait for the next Disney animated film to come out. But it was “The Lion King” that truly made Disney a juggernaut when it came to family films. If you’re like me, you can remember the first time you saw the film, and the emotions you felt while you watched it …..or if you slept through the film or not. The movie was so huge that it won 2 Oscars, spawned a successful franchise, 2 sequels, a TV series based on two popular side characters and a Broadway play.

Admittedly, I haven’t watched “The Lion King” in YEARS. The last time I saw it was back in 1994. Believe it or not. SHAME ON ME! Long story short, it’s 2011 and the movie is re-released in 3D. I haven’t had the privilege of experiencing the film in 3D, but that didn’t stop me from reminding myself what the big deal was about “The Lion King”.

PLOT

I’ll try to keep this brief, since everybody and their great, great, grandmother saw “The Lion King” already. For everyone else who really haven’t seen the film, here goes. Mufasa the lion rules Pride Rock and the animals that live there. Mufasa and his wife Sarabi have a son called Simba, who is obviously destined to be king. But after Mufasa is murdered by his evil brother Scar, Simba runs away. He meets a meerkat (Timon) and a warthog (Pumbaa) and together, they travel the land. One day, an older Simba confronts Nala, a lioness and potential love interest for our hero. She convinces Simba to return to Pride Rock to reclaim the throne from Scar, who have reduced the once joyous kingdom into one of darkness and despair.

CHARACTERS

Simba –  Matthew Broderick (he’ll always be Ferris Bueller to me)

Mufasa – James Earl Jones (a.k.a. DARTH VADER)

Scar – Jeremy Irons (if they offered an Academy Award for best voice in an animated feature in 1994, he would get it….. I’m just saying!)

Nala – Moira Kelly (she plays Karen Roe in “One Tree Hill” –  a TV series that I WON’T WATCH BEFORE I DIE….I’m just saying!)

Timon – Nathan Lane (a Broadway favourite)

Pumbaa – Ernie Sabella (I guess he did some other stuff, but I still see him as the guy who played Pumbaa)

MY THOUGHTS: From the sunrise that opens the film, and the opening refrain of “Circle of Life”, I felt myself transported back to that cinema 17 years ago  Amazingly, the film still feels as vibrant as it was when I first saw it, and it doesn’t feel old or dated. The visuals are still spectacular, the animation is still impressive by today’s standards and of course, the music…. my God, the music…. is still powerful. What I forgot however was the fact that though it is a 2D animated film, there was still elements of 3D in it ( I realized this when I saw the wildebeest stampede scene by the way). The characters of the film are still appealing. You cheer for Simba, you laugh at Timon and Pumbaa (who had their own TV show just in case you were wondering) and you boo at Scar. And speaking of Scar,  as I mentioned above, if there was an Academy Award category for “Best Voice in an animated feature” in 1994, Jeremy Irons would have won it! With his wry British accent, Jeremy embodies the sarcasm, craftiness and fiendishly villainy of Scar perfectly. Yes, James Earl Jones was a great voice actor for Musafa, but for my money, Jeremy was better! And since the film is a musical, I must say that the songs, from “Hakuna Matata” to the Oscar-winning “Can you Feel the Love Tonight” still sound great today.

SHOULD I SEE THIS FILM?  6 words – SEE THIS MOVIE BEFORE YOU DIE! If you haven’t seen it, go and see it! If you’ve seen it once like me, go see it again! If you’ve seen it a lot, then you should at least experience it in 3D. “The Lion King” represents the marriage of animation and the Broadway musical, it represents the universal power of animation and it represents the height of animated films in general. And dare I say, it is the last great Disney 2D animated movie that was ever made! Not to say that their other 2D animated films weren’t great, but come on…. do you remember the song from “Pocahontas?”. No? It was called “Colours of the Wind”, it was sung by Vanessa Williams, and it won an Academy Award. Still not ringing any bells? Okay, do you remember the songs from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” or “Hercules”? Were there any songs in “Hercules”? Does anybody remember what those films were about? I rest my case.

Now go take your place in the circle of life. It moves us all.

MY RATING – 5 out of 5 stars (“See this movie before you die”)

– Matthew

Definitely see this movie – “Drive” (2011)

2011 – the year of the car movie. This year, we have had not one, but FOUR movies dedicated to cars:- Nicolas Cage’s “Drive Angry 3D” which apparently SUCK3D BALLS; the HIGHLY ENTERTAINING “Fast Five” which literally jump started the old car that is the Fast and Furious franchise; “Cars 2” which was a notch down from the awesomeness of Pixar animated movies, and now this….

“Drive” -the new film from Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn that’s already generating a lot of buzz from critics and viewers alike. It stars  Ryan Gosling (a.k.a. “everybody’s favourite pretty boy”),  Ron Perlman (a.k.a. “Hellboy”), Bryan Cranston (a.k.a. Walter White from “Breaking Bad”, one of the BEST shows on TV right now) and Albert Brooks (a.k.a. the guy who did the voice of Marlin in “Finding Nemo”). At first glance, “Drive” appears to be your standard heist-gone-wrong/double-crossing/out-for-revenge type of action thrillers. But believe me, it’s much more than that.

What “Drive” actually does is take that same formula which has been used before in many other crime films, and envision it in an ‘arthouse’ style. For those not knowledgeable of the term, ‘arthouse’ refers to the ‘art film’ or ‘art cinema’, which refer to films which stray away from mainstream Hollywood movie conventions. This type of film requires you to use your BRAIN, which is always suggested that you “leave at the door” before you watch certain movies (“Fast Five”, anyone?). There’s a lot of thought put into these films, and there is always a deeper meaning to what is being shown.

Obviously, I’m a huge fan of arthouse cinema. I love films that challenge my mind and my perception of what I’m watching. (You should be taking notes at this point) Whether it’s the vision of futuristic youths gone bad in “A Clockwork Orange”, or an android’s quest for more life in “Blade Runner”, or white-collar workers gone anarchist in “Fight Club” or the reverse chronological narrative of “Memento”, these films have something to offer on an intellectual level. And in a sense, they represent “Anti-Hollywood”, which when you think about it, is pretty much self-explanatory.

So, will “Drive” become a arthouse cinema classic or is it just another film that made us think too much about cars…..and Ryan Gosling? Let’s see, shall we?

PLOT

He’s a stunt driver in a movie set. He’s a getaway driver for robberies. He never works for the same people twice. And his identity is unknown. They call him ‘Driver’ (BUM BUM BUMMMMMM!!!). Sounds like the intro of an 80s TV show, doesn’t it? Speaking of 80s….matter of fact, I’ll get to that later. Anyhoo, ‘Driver’ works in a garage owned by a guy named Shannon. Shannon has just become partners with a mobster named Bernie Rose and a Jewish mobster named Nino. ‘Driver’ is a quiet, moody individual who lives alone in an apartment. This all changes when he starts communicating with his neighbour Irene, the mother of a little boy named Benicio.

One day, Irene’s husband Standard returns home from prison. He owes protection money to a shady character named Cook. Cook threatens Standard to do a job (i.e. heist) for him which, if he refuses, will result in his family being killed. ‘Driver’, concerned for the well-being of Irene and Benicio, offers to play wheelman for the job. However, the job goes wrong and ‘Driver’ realizes that he was double crossed. ‘Driver’ does what every stunt/getaway driver does when he’s double crossed – find the fuckers who betrayed him and MAKE THEM PAY (BUM BUM BUMMMMMM!!!). However, the real person(s) pulling the strings put(s) out a contract on ‘Driver’s’ head. With Irene’s family as a target, and with his own life on the line, ‘Driver’ must uncover the truth before his time runs out (BUM BUM BUMMMMMM!!!).

CHARACTERS

‘Driver’  – Ryan Gosling

Irene – Carey Mulligan

Shannon – Bryan Cranston

Bernie Rose – Albert Brooks

Nino – Ron Perlman

Standard – Oscar Ross

Benicio – Kaden Leos

Cook – James Biberi

MY THOUGHTS: From the Grand Theft Auto: Vice City-font opening credits and the 80s retro-synthesizer music, you know you’re going to experience something special. After the AWESOME opening sequence, the film slows down, and we get to see the development of the characters involved in the story. This is the dramatic section of the film and I must honestly admit that it does take a good while before it picks up speed. And just when you’re wondering what direction the film is going, BOOM! The robbery goes wrong, and all hell breaks loose! The story switches from the glimpse into the life of the main character, to the main character TAKING OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES! The performances in this film are well-done, but the stand-out performance, of course, goes to Ryan Gosling. He starts off as quiet, always to himself, not talking much. When he meets Carey Mulligan’s character, he opens up and smiles a little bit more. When her family, and his life, is threatened, he unleashes his BADASSERY (yes, I know, that’s not a real word….yet)! He is indeed a character that you do not want to fuck with, and Ryan plays him perfectly. The music is well-done, the cinematography is SUPERB and the car chases, though not many, are still brilliantly shot.

Oh yeah, I’ve GOT to mention this. And don’t worry, I’m not going to reveal all the details. There’s one scene involving Ryan, Carey and a HITMAN, which will go down in history as one of the GREATEST MOVIE SCENES OF 2011! When it begins, you’re like “Holy shit! What’s going to happen next?”. Then it turns to a “MTV Best Kiss” between Ryan and Carey which will, undoubtedly, have ALL THE WOMEN in the audience sighing with pleasure. But the end of the sequence, which does not involve Carey, will have ALL THE GUYS in the audience going BATSHIT CRAZY! If you haven’t fainted after the kiss, then you’d probably faint after what happens after it. So you see, “Drive” is much more than a standard revenge movie. It’s a DATE MOVIE! 😀

SHOULD I SEE THIS FILM? HELL YES! I said it after I watched it, and I’m saying it again. “Drive” is now in my top 10 best movies list of 2011! (And just so you know, “Fast Five” is up there too. I can’t help it – it was really decent! ) But be warned, this is a film of acquired taste. Though the title of the film is “Drive“, don’t expect a lot of insane car chases and dangerous car stunts like “Fast Five”. Though it’s an action film, although more of a thriller than anything else, don’t expect a lot of gun battles and explosions. Though it’s a Ryan Gosling movie, don’t expect to see him shirtless like in “Crazy, Stupid Love”. And this is one reason why I really enjoyed this film. Ryan proved once again that he has more to him than looks. The dude can ACT! The film itself is rather violent, but only when it needs to be, so don’t let the blood stop you from enjoying it. “Drive” is a well-made, well-shot and well-acted movie that will eventually become an arthouse cinema classic. Arthouse cinema fans should definitely see it. If you’re curious about arthouse cinema, you should give this film a look. If you know right off the bat that this isn’t your cup of tea, then watch “Fast Five”….for the FIFTEENTH TIME! When you’re finally fed up of Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, go watch “Drive”.

MY RATING – 4 1/2 out of 5 stars (“Definitely see this movie”)

– Matthew

See this movie – Crazy, Stupid Love (2011)

Yes, ladies and gents, after 3 weeks of active blogging, and 4 reviews so far (YAY, ME!), I’ve finally arrived at a romantic comedy. Normally, I don’t watch a lot of romantic comedies for the same reason most people don’t watch romantic comedies:-

(a) they usually recycle a generic formula (boy meets girl, they fall in love…..)  

(b) they’re riddled with clichés  (they break up, IT’S THE GUY’S FAULT…) 

(c) You know from an hour away how it’s going to end (he has to own up, he proves how much he loves her, she accepts them, they get married, THE END, cue Top 10 Pop Song of the week, roll credits) 

For this year however, I did manage to see two romantic comedies. The first was “Friends with Benefits”, an aight effort starring “my wife to be” Mila Kunis and “who knew that wigga could act?” Justin Timberlake. The second, of course, was….

Reviews were positive for this film, with many viewers calling it one of the best comedies of the year.  Now, having sat through some of the SHITTIEST films of 2011 already (“Battle L.A.”, “Sucker Punch”, “Transformers: Dark of the Moon”, “Conan the Barbarian”…. ARRRGH!), I was more than willing to check “Crazy, Stupid, Love” out.

So was it a hit-or-miss like “Friends with Benefits”, or was it a genuinely good movie? Or was it just another film heavily overrated by critics and viewers alike (*COUGH *”Bridesmaids” *COUGH*)? Let’s see, shall we?

PLOT

Driving home one night, Cal Weaver is told by his wife Emily that she has been cheating on him with her co-worker David Lindhagen. Upon hearing the news, as well as Emily’s request for a divorce, Cal sinks into depression. Cal’s 13-year-old son Robbie notices his parents’ marriage falling apart, but is already dealing with a crush that he has for his 17-year old babysitter Jessica. Anyhoo, Cal does what most men do when dealing with a broken heart – HIT THE BAR (or walk into it…..get it?). He blabbers loudly about his wife’s infidelity, catching the attention of a young man named Jacob Palmer. Jacob is the complete opposite of Cal (obviously).  He dresses well, he knows the right moves, he knows how to talk to women and how to get them to sleep with him. However one person has rejected his advances – a young woman named Hannah. Anyhoo, Jacob takes Cal under his wing and seeks to make him a better man, for himself and for Emily.

CHARACTERS

Cal Weaver  – Steve Carell (the equivalent of his “40-Year Old Virgin” character if he were married)

Jacob Palmer – Ryan Gosling (boy, he’s come a LONG way from “Young Hercules”, the little-known, and utterly ridiculous spin-off of “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys”

Emily Weaver – Julianne Moore (give this woman an OSCAR, already!)

Hannah – Emma Stone (who was also in “Friends with Benefits”. How you luv that?)

David Lindhagen –  Kevin Bacon (who has appeared in three 2011 films, including this movie. Impressive!)

Robbie Weaver – Jonah Bobo  (steals every scene he’s in)

Jessica – Analeigh Tipton (from third place in “America’s Next Top Model” to the big screen! Dreams do come true)

MY THOUGHTS:  What surprised me about this film is that it was actually more of a comic drama than a romantic comedy. The drama involves the characters of “Crazy, Stupid Love” and how they deal with their crazy, stupid, “lovey” situations. Actually, the characters are played so well that you can’t help but relate to them in some way or another. Anybody who suffered a broken heart can relate to Steve Carell’s character. Anyone who went through a childhood crush can relate to Jonah Bobo’s character. Anybody who wants to be a player, or is probably a player, can relate to Ryan Gosling. Speaking of Gosling,  as a heterosexual male, I must admit he delivered an impressive performance.  He embodied his character perfectly, down to the ‘Hitch’-like advice he gives Carell in the film. And yes, the females watching this film would drool over his looks, and the guys watching it will envy him as a result. But whatever, he did a great (acting) job. As I mentioned above, Jonah Bobo also delivers an impressive performance as Robbie. His crush for Jessica, and the attempts that he makes to prove her love to her, is both sweet and funny to watch. And this is what makes “Crazy, Stupid Love” works. The genuine performances in this film help remove the film from its generic rom-com roots, to one of honesty and heart that will make it an eventual classic in its genre.

SHOULD I SEE THIS FILM?  If you love romantic comedies, then you should go see this film. If you love romantic comedies that are more truthful and REAL instead of carbon-copied and ANNOYING ike some other films in the genre   (*COUGH *any rom-com starring Jennifer Aniston *COUGH*), then you should go see this film. Ladies, if you love Ryan Gosling…… ah fuck it, why am I stating the obvious?  Go see this film.  It isn’t the greatest romantic comedy of all time  – and the beauty of it all is that it isn’t trying to be. It’s a genuine look at love and the obstacles and pitfalls we all go through in order to find that perfect one.  It  may not be as crazy and stupid as the title suggests – and believe me, love itself can get crazy and stupid at times – but that doesn’t stop it from being a really good movie.

MY RATING – 4 out of 5 stars (“See this movie”)

THE END, cue Top 10 Pop Song of the week, roll credits

– Matthew

I Want my Money Back – Conan the Barbarian (2011)

“Conan the Barbarian” – a sword-swinging, demon-slaying, almost-always-bareback warrior created by the late Robert E. Howard in the 1930s, which spawned a series of books that are still being re-published today, a Marvel comic-book series, two movies starring Arnold “I had sex with the maid”  Schwarzenegger,  a not-so-bad animated TV series, a TERRIBLE live-action TV series, a Dark Horse comic-book series, and now….this.  Just in case you were wondering.

I’ve always been a fan of Conan. I read the books and the comics, and I even saw the original movies. The first film, similarly titled “Conan the Barbarian”, introduced the world to a new action hero – Arnold “I had sex with the maid”  Schwarzenegger. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, THAT film made him a superstar,  and that was only two years before his iconic leading role as “The Terminator”. The sequel, “Conan the Destroyer” (which came out the same year as “The Terminator”) was a weak, watered-down attempt of capturing the essence of the Conan stories. I LOVED the first film. It wasn’t a perfect movie by a long shot, and it won’t be placed in a greatest-films-of-all-time list in a hurry.  But it did contain an engaging plot, an impressive performance by Schwarzenegger, a great villain (James Earl Jones as ‘Thulsa Doom’) and a muscial score by the late Basil Poledouris that is arguably one of the BEST I’ve ever heard in a movie – period!

The influence of “Conan the Barbarian” could be seen in many films, from “The Beastmaster” and “Masters of the Universe” (Yes, people, there is actually a live-action He-Man movie. Don’t ask!) of the 1980s, “Hercules” and “Xena: Warrior Princess” (REMEMBER THAT SHIT?!) of the 1990s,  and “Gladiator”, “300”, and “Spartacus: Blood and Sand/Gods of the Arena” of the 21st century. So, with today’s viewer being used to mind-numbing scenes of decapitation, severed limbs, blood and guts, then obviously it would be a great idea to give the Conan franchise a reboot, right? Well, ain’t it?!

Let’s see, shall we.

PLOT

A vicious warlord named Khalar Zym raids the village of Cimmeria, home of a young Conan and his father Corin. Khalar is seeking the last piece of a magical bone mask to revive his wife (who was burned to death for witchcraft) and conquer the world. HUH?! Anyhoo, Corin is killed in the process and Conan (OBVIOUSLY) seeks revenge. He travels the land, gets in and out of bullshit, and dismembers bodies (male, of course) along the way. He meets a woman named Tamara, who is being targeted by Khalar and his sorceress daughter Marique for her blood, which, when dropped into the mask, will make Khalar unstoppable.  Riiiiiiight.

CHARACTERS

Conan – Jason Momoa

Tamara – Rachel Nichols

Khalar Zym – Stephen Lang

Marique – Rose McGowan

Corin – Ron Perlman

MY THOUGHTS:  Where do I begin? Morgan Freeman narrates the film. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, MORGAN FUCKING FREEMAN narrates the film. Unlike the narration of the original “Conan the Barbarian”, which was spread out neatly throughout the entire film, M.F.F. does the opening narration and another bit after the first 20 minutes. THAT’S IT! NOTHING MORE! Not even an outro!  Not even the last lines of “The Shawshank Redemption”!  It gets worse.  The story itself is so thin that it relies on mind-numbing action scenes to keep us interested. Action sequences are necessary in this film, yes, but NOT WITH A 2-MINUTE INTERVAL AFTER EACH ONE! There’s literally no time to catch your breath after these action sequences. Hell, there isn’t even time to understand the characters (who are one-dimensional, by the way), especially the main character. Conan comes across as a guy who doesn’t give much of a fuck about anything or anyone, and is solely bent on revenge. He scowls, he grunts, he even lifts his sword to the skies and roars. He-Man, anyone? He also utters one-liners that try to come off as epic (like ‘300’s “Ready your breakfast and eat hearty, for tonight we dine in hell”) but wind up being godawful (“I live…I love…I slay…I’m content”). Even the side characters, even the villain, are uninteresting. However, the film does get points in its fight scenes. They’re well choreographed and gleefully gory, but, unfortunately, sloppily edited. Overall, this film tries desperately to make Conan appealing to a new, “300”-quoting, gore-hungry generation of movie lovers, but ultimately,  it falls on its own sword.

SHOULD I SEE THIS FILM?  If you loved the original “Conan the Barbarian” movie like I did, then you’ll LOATHE this one. If you have no clue who Conan is, SEE THE ORIGINAL MOVIE! Or read the books! They’re great! Seriously! If you really don’t give a fuck about story or characters, and you’re willing to spend your hard-earned money to view senseless, bloody violence for 112 minutes, then go ahead! For everyone else, SKIP THIS SHIT! Please! I’ll put this “Conan the Barbarian” movie under the category “I want my money back”. Though I haven’t had the ‘privilege’ of viewing it on the big screen, I STILL WANT MY MONEY BACK! I really am curious as to what other franchise Hollywood plans to rape (I mean, reboot). I did hear of a new, live-action “He-Man” movie coming out soon. I shudder at the thought.

By the way,  if  you’d like to hear that score of the original, and BRILLIANT, Conan movie, go to YouTube and search for “Conan the Barbarian soundtrack”. Just in case you were wondering.

MY RATING – 2 out of 5 stars (“I Want my Money Back”)

– Matthew

See it if you really have to – Final Destination 5 (2011)

Final Destination 5

NOTE: While I type this review, I am constantly hoping and praying that not only will my laptop NOT overheat, but also that the water that has spilled from my cup doesn’t accidentally drip into the electrical outlet where my laptop is connected to, which if not checked, will cause the wire to spark, which also if not checked, can possibly electrocute me to death. After all, you know what they say, “Life is a bitch….”.

Ahhhh, New Line Cinema. The film company that released the timeless “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, the “Austin Powers” trilogy, and most importantly, the “Friday” trilogy.  I swear, no other movies made Friday such a great day than the “Friday” trilogy. Anyways, what is most surprising about New Line Cinema is that their popularity and fame began with a little film from a certain guy called Wes Craven which became a box-office success and an iconic horror movie. What I’m talking about is 1984’s “A Nightmare on Elm Street”, starring everyone’s favourite child killer/burn victim/bogeyman with razor-blade fingers, Freddy Kreuger. The success of this first film spawned a critically-bashed yet commercially-successful franchise.  Very soon, New Line got their grubby fingers on another horror icon, Jason Vorhees, and put them together into the SMACKDOWN OF THE CENTURY (i.e. “Freddy vs. Jason”). I don’t remember much from it, but I do remember two things: (a) that movie SUCKED, and (b) Kelly Rowland got killed off rather nicely. The point is, New Line Cinema was becoming well-known for their gory-ass horror movies, way before Lionsgate came out with their “Saw” series (another seemingly-neverending franchise).

Speaking of which, in 2000, New Line unleashed the film “Final Destination” to an unsuspecting world, and the result was a commercial success and a decent-enough horror movie. In a nutshell, a bunch of teens survive a plane explosion thanks to the premonition of one guy, who visualizes the actual explosion and the order in which his comrades die. The rest of the film involves everyone dying in the exact order in which they would have died, had they stayed on the plane. What made it frightening was the fact that we saw Death himself, visualized as both a ghostly apparition and as Tony Todd, a black actor with a low, creepy voice. What made the film truly original was the outrageous ways in which the characters die. The deaths range from LOL to OMG to “I wonder if that shit can really happen, like in real life”.   Unexpected to the masses (and unfortunately), “Final Destination”  was only the beginning of yet another New Line franchise. “Final Destination 2” (which was a fucking AWESOME sequel and which contained arguably the BEST deaths in Final Destination history, by the way) helped raise the bar for gory-ass horror films. “Final Destination 3” tried its hardest to top its predecessor, but the end result was a meh effort. Part 4 of the series, ridiculously titled “The Final Destination” promised viewers that it may be the “end” of the franchise. I avoided that film like the stomach flu, knowing full well that New Line’s promise was all bullshit.

And I was right! Now, we have FINAL DESTINATION 5! Sigh! 11 years come and go so fast when you’re cheating death.

PLOT

Where do I begin without stating the obvious? Similar to the OTHER FOUR Final Destination films, one person sees a premonition of himself and his friends dying horrifically in a freak accident. In this case, a young man called Sam visualizes his friends dying in a freak accident where a bridge collapses. Very soon, Sam realizes that his friends are dying in freak accidents in the same order they would have died on the bridge. According to the rules of Death (who has returned after his absence in “The Final Destination”), the kids have cheated death, and now THEY GOTTA DIIIIIIIIEEEEE! BUT WAIT! There’s a new rule! If someone accidentally dies instead of you, or if you KILL SOMEONE YOURSELF, you’ll be removed from Death’s ‘death list’. Hmmmmmm.

CHARACTERS (similar to my last review, real names don’t matter. In this case, it’s because they’re a bunch of new faces, except for….ahh, you’ll see for yourself soon enough)

Sam Lawton  – the guy with the vision

Molly Harper – Sam’s girlfriend

Peter Friedkin – Sam’s best friend, and a likely contender for the “Tom Cruise of the 80s lookalike” award (What made me laugh was that in the bridge sequence, when Peter is running away from the destruction, it brought to my mind the scene from “War of the Worlds”  where Tom Cruise first runs away from the aliens.)

Candice Hooper – Peter’s girlfriend

Issac Palmer – you know that annoying guy who thinks he’s the shit just because his “girlfriend” calls him regularly? That would be him.

Olivia Castle – the token hot chick, cause what’s a movie with teens without a token hot chick?

Nathan – the token black guy, cause what’s a horror movie with teens without a token black guy?

Dennis – David Koechner (a.k.a. the guy whose face you know from some movie that you saw some while back) plays the boss of all these hopeless mofos.

Agent Jim Block – Courtney B. Vance, husband of Angela Bassett (WOW! You go, boy!) plays the federal agent desperately trying to figure out the motive behind the freak accidents

William Bludworth (*COUGH *death *COUGH*) – Tony Todd’s back! BAWH!!

MY THOUGHTS: Critics have been saying that this latest installment in “Final Destination” (which should have be re-named “The Neverending Story” had there not been a trilogy, WHICH ENDED BY THE WAY, of the same name) is an improvement over the last one. That I can agree on! Though I haven’t seen Part 4, and have no plans of seeing it, the bad reviews that it received are reason enough NOT to re-consider. I must also admit with critics that the bridge sequence is REALLY IMPRESSIVE, and is worth seeing for that scene alone. The story….well, let’s face it, you DON’T watch a “Final Destination” film for a story. You watch it for the deaths! Which brings me to the obvious problem with “Final Destination 5” …. the DEATHS! While the deaths in the bridge sequence are really awesome, the deaths afterwards range from meh to fairly decent. The suspense is built very well, we see the objects that will be used in the execution of the death, but when the execution plays off, it’s not that shocking. Gory, yes, but not “jump out your seat” shocking like the first 2 films. The performances are okay, but the prize goes to Tony Todd who plays his character with the same oozing creepiness that Final Destination fans have grown to appreciate. Though he only appeared twice in the film, his presence was a much-deserved return to the franchise. Overall, “Final Destination 5” is a welcome back to what fans loved about the franchise in the first place,  and the “new rule” is a nice touch, but ultimately it still feels like the same ol’ shit. The ENDING, however, DESERVES POINTS – but only die-hard fans of the franchise with a keen eye will see it coming.

SHOULD I SEE THIS FILM?  If you’re a “Final Destination” fanatic, you should give this latest installment a glance. But believe me, you’re not going to get anything new. Just gory deaths as the result of something knocked over, spilled or removed by accident. To everyone else, it’ll just seem like another horror film which relies on gore and cheap scares to “terrify” the audience. I definitely won’t pay full admission to watch this film. So I’ll put “Final Destination 5” under the self-explanatory category “See it if you really have to”. See it for the AWESOME bridge scene, and perhaps the ending if you give a shit. But believe me, your life, and the world as a matter of fact, won’t come to an end if you don’t see it. I honestly suspect that there’ll be another “Final Destination”, and another, and another, until Skynet becomes aware and Judgment Day finally occurs. But you know what they say: “Life’s a bitch…”

Which reminds me, they REALLY should make another “Friday” movie. If only they could persuade Ice Cube… and Chris Tucker for that matter.  

MY RATING – 2 1/2 out of 5 stars (“See it if you really have to”)

– Matthew

Bawh Movies – 13 Assassins (2010)

13 Assassins

I have no idea where the term “bawh” came from. Like me, it was created in Trinidad, and it was probably the result of a guy who drank too many beers one night. It’s the Trinidadian equivalent to the American phrases “YEAH!!!” or “WOO-HOO!!”. It expresses amazement and an adrenaline rush upon viewing or hearing something awe-inspiring, awesome and simply put, bad-ass. Since its creation, it has been used primarily by men all over Trinidad and Tobago, especially when viewing a film with lots of action in it. I use this term as well, but I make sure to say it, or yell it, when necessary. I don’t say it for every action movie that I watch, but for the ones that stand out to me. The ones which deliver a great story, greater characters and exciting action sequences.

Which leads me to “13 Assassins”, a samurai action/adventure film directed by the legendary Takashi Miike. When I say “legendary”, I don’t mean Akira Kurosawa-legendary, even though both directors are from Japan.  Miike is one of the hardest-working directors in Japan, with over 70 theatrical, video and TV productions under his belt. His films range from family -friendly to dramatic to brutally violent to really, REALLY twisted shit! The first Miike film I viewed was 2003’s “Gozu”,  an incomprehensible horror film of sorts which can easily be placed under the category FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition). I became a FAN of Miike after seeing the “controversial” 2001 horror film of sorts “Ichi the Killer”.  Though the film’s many scenes of violence and torture are truly disturbing to watch, I was impressed by the way Miike guided the viewer through the film’s fucked-up, yet uniquely engaging, story. I still rate  that film as one of the best of the past decade (simply for the BALLS Miike had to make a film like that in the first place) and I would recommend it to the bravest of film lovers in a heartbeat.  I have yet to see “Audition”, another FUBAR film, which is widely acclaimed as Miike’s masterpiece.

“Gozu”, on the other hand…..

Oh wait, where was I? Oh yes…. 13 ASSASSINS!   BAWH!!

PLOT

The story is set in 1840s Japan. The sadistic Lord Matsudaira Naritsugu (It’s a Japanese movie, people! Of course there’d be names that are hard to pronounce! COME ON!) gets away with rape and murder simply because he is the son of the former Shogun and younger brother of the current Shogun.  The senior government official  Doi Toshitsura has had enough of Naritsugu’s corruption. He secretly hires the veteran samurai Shinzaemon to assassinate him. Shinzaemon hires 11 other warriors, including a hunter named Koyata  who may not be what he appears to be (hmmmmm),  to help him on his mission. The plan is to trap Naritsugu and his entourage of soldiers in a town where they’d be passing through. Once trapped, Naritsugu and his men would be unable to escape. The problem however is that Naritsugu’s entourage is not made up of 70 soldiers (which was what Shinzaemon assumed) but more than 200. The plan to eliminate Naritsugu becomes a suicide mission, where the 13 assassins (TITLE! AH-HA!) must prepare to give their lives to restore order to their country.

CHARACTERS  (Let’s face it, their real names don’t really matter. As I mentioned earlier, it’s a Japanese movie, people! )

Shinzaemon – a bad-ass.

Saheita  –   a bad-ass.

Shinrokurō –  a bad-ass.

Rihei – same as above

Kujūrō – same thing

Gunjirō – keep it moving, people

Mosuke – come on, let’s go!

Yasokichi – we don’t have all day here.

Gennai – how many assassins are there again?

Yahachi – “THIRTEEN!”

Heizo – Oh right, right! 13!

Shoujiru –  Just one more….

Koyata – WOO-HOO! I mean, BAWH!!

Matsudaira Naritsugu – son of a bitch!

Doi Toshitsura –  actually a real Japanese historical figure. So is Naritsugu. Hmmmmm.

MY THOUGHTS: From start to end, “13 Assassins” grabs you by the throat and only lets you breathe when there’s hardly any action taking place. Unlike certain Hollywood action films, the main characters are given more than one dimension. They’re not bloodthirsty warriors looking for a head to decapitate. They have back stories, characterization and most importantly… MOTIVATION (cue Kelly Rowland’s song up please). Naritsugu is really a twisted son of a bitch, and we see this in the first ten to fifteen minutes of the film. He is the kind of villain that you LOVE TO HATE, and a great character as well. The story takes its time, and we get to see our heroes strategically plan their attack.  But it’s the film second half that truly shines. The attack itself, and the battle that ensues, is an engaging, and dare I say, ENJOYABLE adrenaline rush. And unlike certain Hollywood action films, the sequence isn’t sloppily edited for “style”. We see each warrior do his thing, we see his victim nicely killed, and we aren’t confused by what’s going on. The music for this film and the sound design deserves praise as well.

SHOULD I SEE THIS FILM? Really? After all I just said? SEE THIS SHIT! SEE IT NOW! Order it from Amazon! Stream it! Torrent it! I don’t care!  You have got to see this movie! AVOID the English-dubbed version at all costs! The film sounds WAY better in Japanese. Though the film was released in Japan in 2010, it was released in the U.S. in 2011. So I will go out of my way to say that “13 Assassins” is one of the BEST FILMS I’ve seen for 2011. And in closing, this latest film from Takashi Miike is not a FUBAR movie, but deservedly a bawh movie!

MY RATING–  4 out of 5 stars (i.e. “See this movie”)

– Matthew